(This used to be my term paper in Psyc101--Social Psych.)
Humans are social beings, “the social animal,” Aristotle called. We are built for socialization and relationships. Since the beginning of time, propagation of species was and still is made possible because of social interactions. Our ancestors survived the danger of nature, preying creatures and hunger because of the community they formed. It has been human nature to seek for warmth of interactions and relationships. It is one of our basic needs for survival to be loved and have the sense of belongingness according to Abraham Maslow’s hierarchy of needs. It is one element of our ultimate pursuit of happiness. But there are kinds of people who isolate themselves from the gaiety of society or the simple company of friends. They spend most of their time in solitude and silence. There may be times that they are in a public setting or social activities such as parties and gatherings but still they would lurk on the corners and have minimal interaction with crowd. They are the loners. The aim of this term paper is to somewhat understand the reasons of their social withdrawal. Are they less sociable? What causes their less sociability? Is their self-esteem low or too high? Are they rejected by the society or is it them that rejected it? Are they different from the normal population? Are they lonely? The research is based on various researches regarding loners, loneliness, self-esteem and friend selection.
SELF-ESTEEM
Low Self-Esteem
Self-esteem is how much we like ourselves and how much we value our self-worth, importance, attractiveness and social competence (Plotnik, R. 2006). If one finds not his physical attractiveness attractive enough he may have the tendency to avoid social interactions or of merely showing himself up for the fear and extreme consciousness of being constantly criticized of his attributes. Perceiving oneself as lesser than the others because of knowledge capacity, skills, talents, etc. may contribute to low self-esteem as well and worse self-hatred which may be an underlying motivation of a person to isolate himself. Some people, although physically attractive, talented and intelligent may also have low self-esteem when these qualities are not acknowledged and appreciated by the people around him or her. The people may not actually size up or look down at him but it is how he perceives it—maladaptive thinking. Studies confirm that social rejection lowers self-esteem. Feeling rejected by the society, he may slink away into isolating himself. There are two types of loners—the isolated by choice and the isolated by force. The former is contented and is blissful for having limited social interaction while the latter is excruciated by the inability to mingle or is rejected by the society. Some loners because of shyness and low self-esteem can only socialize with the people they see constantly. Some loners identify themselves as pathologically shy (Svoboda, E. 2007). They may love to be around people but their shyness makes it difficult, if not entirely a hindrance, for them to affiliate with groups and friends. Lonely people more often than not find it hard to introduce themselves, make phone calls and participate in groups (Rook, 1984; Spitzberg & Hurt, 1987; Nurmi et al., 1996, 1997). Being themselves slow to self-disclose, they disdain people who disclose too much too soon (Rotenberg, 1997). One loner complains of the stress of being in social settings and having to introduce herself twenty times (Svoboda, E. 2007). This type of lonely loners—isolated by force due to shyness and anxiety—is at risk in their health. Lonely people sleep poorly, experience severe depression and anxiety, have reduced immune and cardiovascular functioning and exhibit signs of early cognitive regression that grow more severe over time. When one is lonely, there’s a stress response in the body and it is unhealthy to sustain it for a long period of time (Cacioppo, J. 2007).
High Self-Esteem
If some loners are alone by force due to low self-esteem to be more comfortable or because of social rejection, the other loners may have high self-esteem. They refuse to interact and make connections with others because of their perceived or may be genuine superiority in terms of socioeconomic status, moral and living standards, physical attractiveness, intelligence, etc. Literally or metaphorically, they keep their noses and chins high and only relates to individuals they consider to be worthy of their time and attention. They may be so quiet and aloof around people they see as inferiors to them but are so open and outgoing with those they deem worthy. Loners this type possess very few intimate relationships.
SOCIABILITY
Shared Interests, Attitudes and Behaviour
While desiring aloneness, loners do not substantially shun human connection and contact utterly. Sometimes having nothing to connect them to the others creates their solitude. Similarity is a key platform for friendship selection (Hamm, J.V. 2000). Friendship similarity is believed to characterize close or best friendship (Epstein, 1989). Adolescents select friends who are similar to themselves in terms of ethnic-group membership and gender (Shrum, Cheek, & Hunter, 1988) and who share their orientations toward school, extracurricular activities, and deviance (Epsten & Karweit, 1983; Kandel 1978). You will not suffer, would you, to spend time with a classmate or an acquaintance outside the realms of your ordinary relationship, if you don’t understand each other or if your opinions and interests are mismatched? Besides, there is no point going out with them or extending our association with them if there is nothing you could do together. But if after a stressful examination or a mundane class discussion, you find yourselves both wanting to eat ice cream or go some place else, your interaction may extend and you might do that again and you may possibly discover more similarities between you. While eating ice cream you may find yourselves complaining about the same classmates or teachers and eventually disclose yourselves to each other which is an important element of friendship (Collins & Miller, 1994, p. 457).
Ethnic-Group Membership
Friendship selection is shaped by cultural and historical circumstances associated with ethnic group membership. Members of “oppressed” minority groups such as African Americans show relative indifference toward many orientations valued by members of mainstream society (Ogbu, 1991). The interests of the mainstream society may be perceived threatening to these youths regarding their social identity and so they minimize the significance of academic orientations and rely more on the other side of themselves to define their uniqueness (Fordham & Ogbu, 1986). Hence, in their friend selection, African American adolescents choose those that belong to the same ethnic group as theirs. Identity exploration is a central task of adolescence (Rosenthal, 1986). So, the sharing with friends similarities in attitude toward and identify with an ethnic group may provide an important platform for exploration of their identity.
Academic Orientation
Members of “voluntary” minority groups such as Asian American adolescents do not give that much significance in friend selection regarding ethnicity than that of the African Americans. The easy assimilation and attainment of scholarly success among Asian American youths may be the reason of their ethnicity as less central to their sense of self and daily experiences (Matute-Blanchi, 1986). It is the same with European American peers; they seek friends who share the same academic orientation. African American adolescents however also desire for a friend who shares similar academic orientations especially if they are high achieving adolescents (Fordham, 1988; Peshkin, 1991). Similarity for academic orientations is moderate for Asian American and European American adolescents and significantly greater than that of African Americans. One reason of this is that of Asian Americans and European American adolescents’ length of time staying at school than of the African Americans. They have longer duration of exposure and companionship of school friends thus have more time to develop shared views. In most researches on friendship similarity, school-based friendships may not represent African American adolescents’ closest friendships (Dubois & Hirsch, 1990).
Creativity and Introversion
Other possible factors of solitude, aside from non-belongingness to a group such as ethnicity, religion and other organizations or other shared interests such as academic orientation, deviance, poetry and literature, choice of music, sports, arts and countless others, are creativity and introversion. Psychologist Jonathan Cheek at Wellesley College said that some people basically have a low need for affiliation. It could be because of innate tendencies and experiences of not having many friends as a child or it could be that they grew up into a family that greatly values privacy. A few studies have shown a correlation between creativity, originality and introversion. Some loners, monotonous they may appear to onlookers are actually enjoying the quietude and stillness. Loners engage with the world in essentially different ways—they tend to focus more on their own ideas and on stimuli that don’t register in the minds of others. In a study, Amanda Guyer, a psychologist at the National Institute Health in Bethesda, Maryland, separated child subjects into “outgoing” and “reserved” or the introverts and extroverts. She had them play a game in which to win money, they had to press a button. The “reserved” subjects manifested twice or thrice more activity in the striatum region of the brain which is associated with the reward than did the “outgoing” ones. She found out in such study that socially withdrawn individuals have increased sensivity to all kinds of emotional interactions and sensory cues which may be the reason of them finding pleasure in the things others do not find pleasurable or simply do not notice at all. Another research by psychotherapist Elaine Aron supports Guyer’s study, that socially withdrawn people typically have very high sensory acuity. She said that loners are great at noticing subtleties that other people miss. No wonder people find loners weird because they see things or feel more passion or elation towards things that the others cannot perceive. That is why most poets and artists are loners and nature lovers are ridiculed for absurdly loving nature and for talking to their dogs and others don’t get the photographer’s exceeding amazement to a dead, bald, gray tree. Previous MRI studies have shown that on the event of social interactions, specific areas in the loners’ brains experience lively blood flow, indicating a sort of over stimulation, which explains why they find social gatherings and activities wearying. It answers the question why would loners respond to a fun and alluring invitation to a concert or a party as tiring even if they’re not pre-occupied with something significant. A business manager at an international lighting-design firm, Miina Matsuoka, warns whomever she’d be associating with in an intimate relationship that at least one day per week, she’d need to lock herself up into her room and stick feathers on a sculpture (Svoboda, E. 2007).
CURRENT STATE OF RESEARCH
Researchers continue to study the reasons and cause of social withdrawal of some people. They update and follow up the past published studies concerning loners such as this Field Guide to the Loner: The Real Insider article by Elizabeth Svoboda that talked about and explored the world of the loners and added some recent findings regarding it such as the MRI studies, Elaine Aron and Amanda Guyer’s researches which found correlation between creativity and introversion. For the enforced loners and lonely people, an article about The Cure for Loneliness is published to help them overcome their dilemma. There are current investigations too regarding the friendship selection based on similarity focusing on the strength of adolescents’ academic orientations, ethnic identity, and degree of substance use. In the current study, ethnic group membership is treated as an independent variable that shapes friendship selection rather than as an attribute that attract friends.
MY VIEWPOINT
In my point of view, loners are not necessarily sad people although as a loner, I like the emotion of feeling sad. But it is just that sadness seems to have connection and influence over the things I like such as poetry and classical music. However, going back to track with the research studies, I find them true and accurate. Some loners are indeed alone although they crave for constant companionship of friends and socializing and partying, they are held back by their shyness and low self-esteem—either by their mere maladaptive thinking towards others or a real social rejection. Also, other loners isolate themselves by choice for the reasons of high self-esteem that they find others inferiorly not worth their time and attention or of non-similarity among people or because of the simple ecstasy they feel of being alone. There seems to be a link indeed regarding introversion and creativity.
CONCLUSION
A loner is a person who avoids or does not actively seek human interaction and prefers to be alone. Reasons could be shyness and social rejection or by choice alone due to no shared interests or commonality among other beings around him. Similarity among friends is evident but it is not certain which comes first, if people become friends because of their similarities or similarities start to develop as their friendship goes on. Loners dread social interaction due to the anxiety or of the unique stimulation of a part of their brain that makes them easily wearied. Loners tend to see things differently too and it could be the reason that some of them enjoy solitude. To be a loner does not mean to be lonely too (Myers, D. 2005). In a middle of a social gathering and friends people can feel lonely. There are scientific researches and experiments regarding loners in this study which makes this research strong. On the other hand, there are too few studies regarding it that would support or explore wider such topic. There should be more, deeper and wider studies concerning loners that these least heard, least seen people would come discovered and we would know either to shield ourselves from them or make use of their unique capabilities.
REFERENCES:
Hamm, J.V. (2008). Do Birds of A Feather Flock Together? The Variable Bases for African
American, Asian American and European American Adolescents’ Selection of Similar Friends.
American Psychological Association, Inc., 36 (2), 209-219
Svobota, E. (2007). Field Guide to the Loner: The Real Insider. Psychology Today. Retrieved
October 6, 2010 from http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/200703/field-guide-the-loner-
the-real-insiders
Halvorson, H. G. (2010). The Cure for Loneliness. Psychology Today. Retrieved October 6, 2010
from http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-science-success/201010/the-cure-loneliness
Kumisharo, M., Finkel, E. J., Rusbult, C. E. (2008). Navigating Personal and Relational
Concerns: The quest for Equilibrium. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 95, 94-0
Denissen, J. J. A., Schmitt, D. P., Denke, L., & Aken, M. A. G. van (2008). Self-Esteem
Reactions to Social Interactions: Evidence for Sociometer Mechanisms Across Days, People,
and Nations. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 95, 181-196
Baumister, R. F., DeWall, C. N., & Ciarocco, N. J. (2005). Social Exclusion Impairs Self-
regulation. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 88, 589-604
Beer, J. S. (2002). Implicit Self-Theories of Shyness. Journal of Pesonality and Social
Pscychology, 83, 1009-1024
